Humor Quotes and Quotations
-
He can run faster than Severus Snape confronted with shampoo.
J.K. Rowling
-
“Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.
J.K. Rowling
-
Times are bad. Children no longer obey their parents, and everyone is writing a book.
Cicero
-
I'll try anything once, twice if I like it, three times to make sure.
Mae West
-
Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Mae West
-
I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it.
Mae West
-
I generally avoid temptation unless I can't resist it.
Mae West
-
You only live once, but if you do it right, once is enough.
Mae West
-
I meant what I said and I said what I meant. An elephant's faithful one-hundred percent!
Dr. Seuss
-
Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one.
Dr. Seuss
-
From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere!
Dr. Seuss
-
So be sure when you step, Step with care and great tact. And remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains.
Dr. Seuss
-
Think left and think right and think low and think high. Oh, the thinks you can think up if only you try!
Dr. Seuss
-
Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope.
Dr. Seuss
-
When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That's relativity.
Albert Einstein
-
Creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein
-
We've had some fun tonight...considering we're all gonna die someday.
Steve Martin
-
I like a woman with a head on her shoulders. I hate necks.
Steve Martin
-
You know that look that women get when they want to have sex? Me neither.
Steve Martin
-
Writer's block is a fancy term made up by whiners so they can have an excuse to drink alcohol.
Steve Martin
