Humor Quotes and Quotations
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You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy, the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese, the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U.S. of arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most powerful men in America are named "Bush", "Dick", and "Colin." Need I say more?
Chris Rock
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You’ve got about as much charm as a dead slug.
Suzanne Collins
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Remember, we're madly in love, so it's all right to kiss me anytime you feel like it.
Suzanne Collins
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Love is like a brick. You can build a house, or you can sink a dead body.
Lady Gaga
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Well, that's your opinion, isn't it? And I'm not about to waste my time trying to change it.
Lady Gaga
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I had a boyfriend who told me I’d never succeed, never be nominated for a Grammy, never have a hit song, and that he hoped I’d fail. I said to him, ‘Someday, when we’re not together, you won’t be able to order a cup of coffee at the fucking deli without hearing or seeing me.
Lady Gaga
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Don’t do drugs, don’t have unprotected sex, don’t be violent. Leave that to me.
Eminem
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In my opinion, we don't devote nearly enough scientific research to finding a cure for jerks.
Bill Watterson
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There's never enough time to do all the nothing you want.
Bill Watterson
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As far as I'm concerned, if something is so complicated that you can't explain it in 10 seconds, then it's probably not worth knowing anyway.
Bill Watterson
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The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.
Bill Watterson
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People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world.
Bill Watterson
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I'm killing time while I wait for life to shower me with meaning and happiness.
Bill Watterson
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Sometimes when I'm talking, my words can't keep up with my thoughts. I wonder why we think faster than we speak. Probably so we can think twice.
Bill Watterson
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Reality continues to ruin my life.
Bill Watterson
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Some people have lives; some people have music.
John Green
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Most books on witchcraft will tell you that witches work naked. This is because most books on witchcraft were written by men.
Neil Gaiman
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They slipped briskly into an intimacy from which they never recovered.
F. Scott Fitzgerald
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Space is big. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely, mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist's, but that's just peanuts to space.
Douglas Adams
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Would it save you a lot of time if I just gave up and went mad now?
Douglas Adams
